Home…not very long now

I’m feeling kinda wistful now dat I’m leaving this place. Jus this arvo I said goodbye to the ppl and places dat hv thus far allowed me to survive in this place.

1)Ciggie man & wif; Mr Ngau and wife – I see him almost everyday as I have to pass by his store to get to the coffee shop, dimsum place I mean. been havin’ like 2 hour chats wif him every alternate day. Usually, we jus chain smoke the diff types of Chinese ciggs (cos i wanted to buy sum back u see…orders from tat&mun, and he was nice enuf to open a pack every time I went over…so, hehe. Yeah! Free smokes!) and talk abt politics in diff countries and lifestyles, in a mixture of Cantonese and mandarin of cos. So, it’s mostly a blur for me, but learnt a lot abt the zhu hai clubbing scene …hehe. The wife’s easier to talk to cos she’s from HK hence less of a zhu hai accent. But, unfortunately, less interesting.

2)The lunchbar barista wannabe – ok, I gotta admit, she makes better coffee than the other snotty ass chick. Although, I tink she now noes not to pour hot coffee in plastic cups, cos gave her dirty look when she did before, also, asked for takeaway again the other day and she was like…eh, but I dun hv other cups! wanted to give me the coffee cup and saucer to carry away. Nanikore! But she’s sweet so…tho was a bit grossed out when I saw her lifting duck heads from a pot and stacking them neatly into rows…facing her of course!!! Brrr…

3)The newspaper man, the fruit lady and cute ass chicks at the bakery! – not of much significance but see them a lot …hehe.

4) The security guards - they always say ni hao! and zao! and are always helpful and sweeeeeet

5)The four girls at the restaurant!!! – gosh, these girls are so cute. And they’re 20, 20, 19, 18…but look abt 24. again we speak in a mixture of Cantonese and mandarin but they seem fascinated by me. They’re like, but u look so much like us!!! How come u speak so funny? How come u can’t read Chinese??? (ok, I lost all my knowledge of Chinese characters the moment I left the exam room! Can’t help it, they jus…flew away!) what’s ur name?? how do I pronounce it? I cannot believe u’re leaving tomoro!! And I’m like…but I haven’t even talked to u much…and she throws a Chinese proverb at me…in translation it means “at first sight strangers but at the second meeting close frens”…ok, I’m guessing. Not too sure.

Seriously tho, they’re like a huge ass family. They’re all from diff places and live in a hostel rented by the restaurant. They work from 6.30 am to 2 – 3 am. Of cos they’ve got a break between 3 and 5 pm. But…man, dats pretty gruelling and I see them on Sundays too..so, no day off! and recently, our table seems to be receiving special services ie. Quicker refilling of the tea pot and clearing of plates. I wld tell u their names…onli I can’t remember them. The youngest one tho…so eager and enthusiastic but does not hv a mobile nor knows how to use the internet, gave me a lil farewell gift.

It’s a lil thingy to hang on my mobile, which I did in front of her, bloody overjoyed she was! Says, it’s so I’ll always remember her. And a singing nemo to stick in my car…only nemo’s stripes has changed to..um…yellow and light blue..so it’s like a…flounder but looks like a clown fish. And it sings…this reallie funi funky song dat I can’t decipher the words of…

ok, I gotta tell u abt how the restaurants work here. Come 5.15- 5.30 pm, every single waitress/waiter in zhu hai will be lined outside of their respective restaurants (not unlike the military) armed with their notepads. 1 or 2 supervisors will be surveying them and barking out orders. Most of the time, they question the poor kids, make them stand up straight and tell them the special for the night.

so, during that 15 minute period, as u walk down the street filled with seafood restaurants, u’ll see diff coloured uniforms and qipaos. The girls dat stand outside the restaurant usually wear a red qipao and a white fur cape over…I thot dat was reallie grand until I walked past this other restaurant…the girl’s cape had frills!! Frills mind u!

so, at times when my grandpa is too tired to walk to the restaurant for dinner, I ‘tapau’…and I’ll spend most of my time chatting to the 4girls. They’re a jolly bunch. Guess they dun hv a choice. But I hv a particular fave. 3 girls wear red qipaos and capes but there’s this one who’s got the tiniest eyes, but …an old soul, I feel, neways, she wears a grey blazer and jeans and hehe, pointy heels cos she’s of a higher rank I think. She was the first chick I talked to at the restaurant…who looked up at me (yeah..she had to look up, and she was wearing heels…grr, am a giant in dwarf land) in amazement as I thot the cents were dollars. She’s like…er, don’t u noe that these are not dollars? I’m like huh? with a super dungufied look…then picked up the notes..turned them ard, sure enuf, it said ‘er jiao’ (20 cents)…ai ya.

I guess I’ll miss lil things like these. Cos the lunch bar ain’t dat bad when u tink abt it. it’s always empty (so’s the dimsum place, hehe) and I can read in peace…and the newspaper man recognises me and so jus hands me the paper whenever I’m there… and the dude at the convenience store wif lotsa red telephones in front is reallie nice.

I once ran up a bill of 105 yuan talking to the boy, hadn’t spoke to him in 2 days. So justifiable. Also, everyone else were shouting into the mouthpieces, so it was like a kraziee market & cld hardly hear him. but u shld see how the eyes of the ppl beside me widen as I braced myself for the amount.

After talking, I stood up and asked for the bill, and the nice dude looked at me with a do-u-reallie-wanna-noe look. So, I closed my eyes, took a deep breath and said…shuo ba! Ok, it wasn’t like a collective gasp from the audience but more like…amazement…as I looked for the bills to pay him. Yeah… he was nice not to say anything to my grandma the next day as she racked up a bill of 50 yuan. Muahahaha.

I’m gonna miss walking across the bridge in the morning watching the lil kids go to school. Some of em as old as 16 yrs old sit on the back of their father’s bicycle. Some around 5 or 6 with cute lil pigtails and yellow ribbons trudge in pairs. It’s jus joy walking down that bridge past these flow of students. I love the kids in china. They’re so clever looking and witty. and they're very very good looking kids. But funi how when they grow up, they change…

ok, I shall not reminisce too much, as the packing still awaits…and I shouldn’t get too emo before even leaving the place!

hugs and kisses to u Mr G

Twisting Innards…

It’s gut wrenching. Literally. Quickened breath, backaches, wobbly jelly-like legs…ur insides are twisting and wrenching themselves in a struggle to get out of ur body…all drenched in blood. It’s a struggle to take a step. The head starts pounding…teardrops are falling. U just want to yank ur ovaries out and be done with it. u lift a cigarette to ur lips…and find dat ur bloody hands are trembling…no, not because of the cold, cos u’re starting to sweat. Rite…jus 5 more days, 4 if u’re lucky.

the muscle spasms and occasional goosebumps are driving me insane. Source of comfort; Kanye West and the fact dat dine has to cope worst than me (sorrie dine, I noe very bad…but least I dun get such horrible headaches. Hugs.).

great…now hv to go get sumthing for grandpa…

Randomness

Currently Watching: Bridget Jones’ Diary: the edge of reason (scenes on replay; when she meets darcy in the Bangkok prison and she reaches out, realises, and pulls back; when they separated…and she dated ben & jerry for 5 weeks; and darcy punching cleaver’s guts out)

Currently Listening to: Queen of My Heart and wo hen xiang ta by Sun yanzi…both on replay

Currently Reading: a mixture of Harry Potter: the order of phoenix (yes, am re-reading, and it’s better the 2nd time round), India Knight’s Don’t You Want Me? (also re-reading) and Sheila Allan’s Diary of a Girl in Changi (absolutely horrible, I hv a feelin’ I shall never get thru the book…not because it’s gross…but it’s jus plain bad)<P>

Condition? Bad…very bad

Not me, it’s grandpa. He’s in dangerous denial. The lump at his neck is getting bigger and bigger everyday. Why? The treatment (direct infusion of Chinese herbs) is not working. Why? He refuses to take the specified amount. Why? Because it hurts. The x-ray report was bad. It’s spreading to the lungs. And now, the old man wants to go back to m’sia. And if he does, he won’t get to properly treat the stooopid lump. And he won’t get to crap properly (sorrie if dis is reallie gross for ppl, but hey, this is wat I’m dealin’ wif). His condition is gonna worsen.

but does he realize it? obviously not. Why? Cos he doesn’t knoe the how bad the bloody effects are gonna be. Why? Cos he’s bloody in denial. I don’t blame him. At that age, I’d prolly think twice too…dats why it requires a lot of persuasion. So who does he listen to? Nobody! Not even my grandma. He reckons we’re (his kids and grandkids) ahem…kids. Hence, we knoe jack all. He doesn’t listen to the poor poor doctor. She says 3 bottles, he says 2. She says 8 pills for this medicine, 6 for dat, 3 for this, 2 for that, half of this and 5 of these, he says 4, 3, 3, 1, no need and 2 and a half. I think he doesn’t understand why he’s becoming this way. When u try to talk about it…he waves u off.

there’s laughter in the room. No doubt. But, it’s getting less. He’s a jolly fellow, finding humour in almost anything. But when it comes to the disease. It’s tragic. Ahh well.

I gotta officially thank Andrew for getting me thru these days…I suck, so thanks for enduring. and as crappy as it sounds, playing Yahoo! literati and graffiti actuallie cleared my mind quite a bit. So, a big thanks to mayni as well for including me in the silly game!!! It’s very engaging ;p.

am missing him desperately...

alrite, I’m bushed…over and out.

Hunger Pangs

Ok, it’s weird. It’s like I’m constantly hungry. I’ve been devouring pau’s like nobody’s business and I hv hitherto managed to resist buying chocolate…till half an hour ago dat is. Well, so far, I’ve had breakfast (at 7 am, the normal dimsum stuff, blergh, am so so so sick of it, wish never to eat another fishball ever again!), lunch (3 pau’s and um…yea sum weirdo chestnut thingo), coffee (from the silly lunchbar, they had to make it twice cos the silly girl stuffed up the first time…yeah no kidding), an oily red bean bun thingo and kinder chocolates. I bought like 3 bars (yes, I’m sure it’s not imitation cos got it from a supermarket…and if it is…it’s bloody good imitation) and it’s all gone, bar the wrappers…which I’m looking at wistfully. Dat was good shite. I’m thinkin’ it’s the blooooooody cold weather’s fault I’m always hungry. U noe…I’m actuallie exercising here…ok, if u count shaking like a leaf exercising. Plus the lunchbar is a pretty long walk for a cup of coffee…tho well worth it. I’m wondering tho… does ovulating make u eat more?

neways, been watching shrek 2 for the…god knows? Umpteenth time. Sorrie jo, din mean to make it such a torture for u.

Shrek 2 – revisited

Fairy Godmother (bellowing): He ENDURES blistering winds and scorching deserts, he climbs to the highest bloody room of tallest bloody tower! And what does he find? some gender confused wolf telling him that his princess is already married

King Harold: well, it wasn’t my fault that he didn’t get there in time.

Fairy Godmother (yells): STOP THE CAR!!! Harold, you force me to do something that I really don’t want to do. (carriage’s window winds down)

King Harold (timid voice as sandwiched between 2 ugly bodyguards): Where are we?

(southern American accent) Well, hi there, welcome to Friars Fat Boy. May I take your order?

Fairy Godmother: My diet is ruined! I hope you’re happy! Uh, ok. 2 Renaissance Wraps, no mayo, chilli rings…

Charming: I’ll have the Medieval Meal

Fairy Godmother: And one Medieval Meal, er, Harold, Curly fries?

King Harold: er…no, I’m fine thank you.

Fairy Godmother: Oh, come on, I know it’s not Taco Bell, so what do you want?

King Harold: No, I’m fine.

miss list

1) the bustling city, or any sort of place dat’s buzzing wif activity as this hospice is pretty stagnant…bar the nurses…

2) having a cap wif chaboh/mun after a day’s worth of shopping…shopping!!!!!!

3) warmth

4) a nice large comfy bed wif fluffy pillows and comforters…

5) Hugs and Kisses from the boy

Borderline

This will be a sombre post and sum shout outs to people dat have been a part of my life hitherto.

1) Dine- it comes and goes, and like u said, it’s part of a cancer patient’s life. I guess we’ve just gotta get used to it…sad as dat mite sound. Fingers crossed for her…funny thing is dat, it seems to affect u more than it does her…but dat’s the way it goes eh? Luv u loads babes.

2) Anita’s sis – don’t cry…it’ll all fall into place, u’ll see. Plus, stage 2…there’s hope. He’ll be coming soon…

3) Mien – bitch, I noe I haven’t been calling u much and all. But, u take care ok? If ever u feel like u’re drowning again…take comfort in knowing dat u’ve not yet reached the state at which my auntie is in…;p luv ya babes.

4) Mr Sia- I’ve never said this before, but I admire ur courage and strength. Especially when facing such circumstances… take care alrite? Hehe, least u can always have ‘gu bak mee’ whenever u want to!!!

5) Chaboh dearest – perk up, it’ll all work out in time. Prolly not the way expect it to, but the unexpected isn’t a bad thing eh? Luv u loads chaboh.

6) Lin, my dearest Lin – u’ve always been so strong and there. Well then, since it’s a new year…my hope is dat u will indeed achieve what we’ve discussed. I guess it all comes from inside. And I believe u have it in u. miss u so much!

7) Naomi babes – we haven’t been communicating much, but as the date draws nearer I can feel ur panic and anxiety. All I can say is that u’ve got it in u. it’s jus dat u’ve got such high expectations and standards dat wat u do seems lacking to urself. Just so u noe, I reckon u rock and always will. Miss u loads babes.

well, the weather hasn’t been helping. It’s about 10 degrees outside…reckon it’s dropped down to abt 6. ah well. it all works well with the mood. Have crossed my fingers so much, it’s permanently stuck. Still, am hoping.

Day four - i hv survived thus far

Listenin’ to Goodies by Ciara…

ok, so where’s Zhu Hai u ask. Smart tiffy has smarten up. She bought a…MAP!! Muahahaha. So,

ZHUHAI is located south of Guangdong Province, and is adjacent to South China Sea (yep, dat helps). She has 146 islands scattered in the vast expanse of the ocean, hence her nickname “the City of a Hundred Islands”(yeah, I’m typing it directly from the map, but it’s interesting u have to admit!)

So, Zhuhai is 140 km from Guangzhou (yikes, so I’m not IN Guangzhou…I tell u, my mum gives me the worst information!). She borders Hong Kong and Shenzhen to the east (Hmm...), Macao to the south (Ahh…so desu) and Zhongshan to the north by land.

Enclycopaedic Fact!

In 1999, Zhuhai was honoured as “the International Award for Best Practices in Improving Environment” by the United Nations (tiffy raises an eyebrow…ok, obviously I can’t but dat’s wat I imagine me doin! Hehe, the powers of literature.)

Zhuhai became one of the Special Economic Zones in 1980 and has under her jurisdiction 3 administrative districts…la la la…more la la la, then…The magical city, Zhuhai welcomes you!...whhooooooooooooooooopee!

Listenin’ to let’s get it on by Marvin Gaye…

Startling event of the day (so u guys noe how monotonous life is here).

wanted to get a cup of coffee (there are only 2 places dat sells coffee nearby, one is a um…lunchbar? The other…a dimsum place) at the ‘lunch bar’, then, bloody wind decides to howl in my ear (I noe!!! I was incredulous as well! wat the?) so asked for takeaway instead. Guess wat she pours the coffee into? A plastic bubble tea cup. Yeah, for shizzle menizel (ok, did I spell it or use rite this time?). and quite obviously the cup starts getting soft and I can’t carry it let alone drink from it. So asked for sumthin else…she gives me a smaller plastic cup (whoopee!) dats equally soft. So…guess wat tiffy does? U dun noe do u? she takes the soft mushy cup dats melting into the coffee…after 10 steps away from the lunch bar, pours the contents down the drain…squashes the cup…proceeds on to the hateful asshole’s ‘convenience store’ and dumps the melted plastic mush near it. Muahahaha. Vengeance shall be mine!!!

ok, so I felt bad straight after. But I couldn’t reallie walk back and pick it up and dump it into the bin cld i? all dignity wld’ve been lost.

u noe wat…I hv not said one f-word all day!! Seriously, I’m not kidding. Nor hv I said bloody…oh hang on…I did say the f-word. Shucks.

J.Lo’s I’m Real feat. Ja Rule was playing on my MD all day…and it starts wif …

first sum dude whispers “murder inc” then

Ja Rule:What’s my MOTHERFUCKIN’ Name!!!(tiffy 'sings' along wif him)

J.Lo replies R-U-L-E

Ja Rule: Growing back on this Mary Jane I’m analysing the game

J.Lo: and the game don’t chose me

Ja Rule: to bring pain to pussy niggers and pussy holders one and the same

J.Lo: ever since u told me

Ja Rule: there’s only room for 2, I’ve been makin’ less room fo’ u

J.Lo: now only god can hold me

Ja Rule: hug me, love me, judge me, the only man dat high’s above me, HOLLER

J.Lo: I met so many men and…it’s like they’re all the same, my appetite for lovin’ is now my hunger pain, and when I’m feelin’ sexy, who’s gonna comfort me? My only problem is…their insecurity!

Ja Rule: are u tired of bein alone?

J.Lo: yeah yeah

Ja Rule: sicka arguin’ on the fone

J.Lo: yeah yeah

Ja Rule: are u tellin’ all ur frens? Dat ur nigger dun understand my love…

Chorus

Ja Rule sings, ok unimportant, until he says: Bitch, I ain’t doin this shit for nuthin’ (at which point I yell bitch!).

J.Lo: now ppl lovin’ me and hatin’ me, treatin’ me ungratefully, but now I noe dat they ain’t makin’ or breakin’ me. My life I live it to the limit and I love it, now I can breathe again baby now I can breathe again. Now ppl screamin’ wat the deal wif u and so and so, I tell them nigs mind their biz but they dun hear tho, my life I live it to the limit and I love it, now I can breathe again baby now I can breathe again.

Ok, I din mean to make u go thru all dat crap…but dat’s how bored I am. And so the song's been on repeat…cos it’s the only song wif swearin’ in dat particular md. Sad but true. Shoulda put sum eminem in eh?

China Product Fact

Ever heard of Wahaha? Neither have I, it’s a brand for purified drinking water dat’s endorsed by…none other than Lee Hom. Yes! I kid u not. Sweet eh?

aight, dat’s all for now. I am doin’ a clubbin’ mix of mah own! Yes, I am restless…and antsy, and various other things.

Listenin’ to...sexual healing-marvin gaye

Old posts - Xmas & New Year 04/05

Monday, 26th Dec 04 12.36 am

Location: Ah Kong & Ah Mah’s Crib (It’s like a real house!! Hehe, wif a porch, driveway, garden and all!!woohoo)

Hometown: Triang, Pahang

OK, I noe it’s been a long time since I’ve updated this thingo, I’ll blame it on the lack of access to the net (I noe the cybercafe’s are jus opposite the road but ai ya, filled wif ppl gaming and sayin’ ‘cibai’, cannot think la).

The journey back here was horrific. Ok, given dat the comfort level was wayyyyyy better as compared to the small kancil we had to fit in before (we’ve got a NAza Kia now!). It was light&easy all the way (For those of u who haven’t heard of L&E, it’s a radio station for the baby boomers..u can imagine). Ok, I noe it’s good old school shite and all but…u gotta understand it’s 60s Sunday! There’s only so much a person can take, plus the songs are freakin cheesy. Seriously, it’s as if love&heartbreak is the only theme!! Love is all around, You’re my everything, smoke gets in my eyes, the first cut is the deepest…ai ya. (phew, close call, managed to stub out the dunhill b4 li pek came back. And he’s got quiet feet too!!)

As per usual, coming back is always a positive/negative. Like u kinda miss ur freedom, but then u’ve got ur finances covered. Then, u’ve got obligations but then again u see ppl dat reallie appreciate u. and then u realize ur parents dun get u and at times misunderstand u, but then, u realize they’ve actuallie been bloody supportive of whatever u wanna do. Just when u thot u’ve got things balanced out, sumthin jus tips the scale eg. the yummy food and good shopping (like, dats an understatement, it’s actuallie bloody good shopping). So how does dat work? Guess the scales hv had their say…m’sia it is.

Crap, I think a mango jus dropped from the tree in front.

But ah kong and ah mah are looking good. They’re so happie to see us. Ah kong’s got this goofy smile on his face half the time and ah mah’s always thinking of cooking food dat I’ll never get in aust. nikki (my 13 yr old sis) and I have come up wif the conclusion dat ah kong likes nikki more whereas ah mah likes me more. The analysis is based on tonite’s dinner. Ah kong identified nikki’s fave food whilst ah mah has been non-stop defending my nocturnal lifestyle in oz.

Ok, reckon dat my face is gonna swell tomoro from all the mozzy bites I’ve been getting (yikes, there goes another mango and I dun mean MNG!).I had no idea being in love could be so taxing. Seriously. Dat’s why I’m bloody pro emotional fuckwittage. I mean like, wats the point? It’s a vicious cycle, and u’re surviving on a daily basis. U can’t concentrate on things dat u’re supposed to (eg. Tink of strategies to maximise shopping pleasure without sacrificing unnecessary resources).everything’s bloody relative; from the ciggie smoke to the water bottle. Even 60s Sunday!! Ok, actually dat’s the worst, like they should completely ban Frank Sinatra or Westlife asking us to ‘allow them to be Frank’…it’s killing me.

Current soundtrack: Ex-factor Lauryn Hill (yes, chris, I’m back to square one, up for Chris’ Ultimate Mixtape Part 2? Reckon I need it…pretty please?)

Christmas Day

10.30 am Woke up in a foreign country and a dog licking my face.

1.55 pm Had lunch wif mum and a couple of customers at the shop…hehe.

2.30 pm Visited Pyramid wif Carmen, she’s an absolute babe! UK has changed her so much. MNG was acting santa claus so managed to score a couple of gifts there…hehe. 2 tank tops and a grey jersey dress 2 be exact. ;p

5.30 pm Yum cha wif Tat & mun, thank god…finali a chance to breathe in sum sweet smelling air.

8.00 pm Rushed to have KFC xmas din wif the ampang bunch, kudos to ah kim for awesome decorations and the cleanest Christmas Tree eva!!! Hehe, lurve the rainbow balloons.

9.35 pm Pressies session, I was absolutely humiliated as I din manage to get a prez for everyone bar a selected few L neways, received a whole load of bodyshop and dior cosmetics. I dunno if ppl are trying to tell me sumthing but all I’ve been receiving this Christmas are cosmetics…what the? Sigh, it’s a sign… Guess I reallie gotta start covering up.

10.00 pm Realization hits the family dat gua kong’s (maternal grandpa) flight arrives at 10.35 pm and we only hv 35 mins to get to the airport. So ah kim rushes everyone into the estima but there weren’t enuf seats so my mum, bui & me decided to take our tiny kancil. Prob was dat ah kim was doin a fast & furious, so we couldn’t catch up in our SLK (small little kancil ;p), we eventually got lost, but then found out BEsraya highway was the way to go, at which point we ran out of petrol, this is 2 hours after we started our journey to KLIA. It started off like amazing race wif Jay-Z and notorious in the background (at which point mum said to switch it off, apparently it’s noise not music) but at dat point in time it became Survivor The Final Episode. Neways, so we filled the tank, got back onto besraya, called gua kong. Yep, they were on their way back…sweet as, no? gua kong said to go for dim sum (yeah, at 12 am…dim sum?) and we were like, by the time we get there u guys wld prolly hv gone, at which point the restaurant would’ve closed and we’d prolly bunk at sum crummy hotel nearby out of exhaustion. Yeah, it was another amazing race thingo and reckon dat mum would be a crappy partner. Solely cos her navigation skills suck but then again it’s kl. Nuff said.

Perth International Airport – 24th December 4 pm

Oh man…emotions were running high on this day. What wif the last minute packing (my yearly checklist was not present so had to mental it), the old folks wanting to divorce for the 100th time and the pajero running on empty. God. I was frustrated (at the both of them for acting like freakin kids again and not being able to do shite abt it), angry (at them for driving sooo bloody slow cos wanted to get out of the car ASAP!), sad (I won’t be seeing the tangible him for 6 loooong months), relieved (at getting away fr my responsibilities and become a kid again) and surprised (at the amount of Indian ppl on the plane!!).

This was the first time in approx. 5 yrs since I’ve been wif MAS and boy, do their girls look way better than the SQ chicks. Like SQ is oriental beauty but MAS is like miss universe beauty. Oh and there were like 20 babies on board. I exaggerate but it sounded like they were. So guess where I was seated? Yeah, rite next to one. But she was a pretty good baby so it was alrite. Altho, the mas girls are prettier I still prefer SQ…for wat reason I dunno…maybe it’s the stop over at changi (yeah, there’s nothing like shopping at changi!!! Heheh), the skinny SQ chicks, whatever it is , I like it more.

Day 3 in Triang-28th December 2004

I can’t wait to get back. Seriously, as nice as it is to have a huge bathroom and all, there’s only so many baths a person can take. Plus it’s been ages since I’ve seen B2 and chill wif mun. Nikki and I jus made a trip to the kopitiam nearby. Ok, we were hoping to get sum roti kiap/bakar (toasted fluffy white bread wif kaya and butter) at the kopitiam but um…the place we stopped at did not do kopi’s & teh’s L and we were too tired to move to another place. But question was what if there’s no roti kiap? So nikki was like, cheh, why dun u ask for the menu then? And then she burst out laughing and I was like omg, u’re rite, there’s NO menu!!! There never is. Every single food place in triang is devoid of menus!! Haha. Isn’t dat funny? And I totali forgot abt the culture. So it’s kinda like do u go up and order urself or do they come to u and is it the same for the food and drinks? The next ques wld be do u pay when they serve or after or before? Ok, loser I noe but man…the mechanics of the system can be a lil complicated when u’re not used to it.

Then the dude dat asked us wat we wanted to drink was kinda in a rush and so I was like ok, soya bean and he’s like ‘dou nai’ and nikki was like, barley ice and he’s like ‘yi mi’. and we felt like idiots cos wat he did was translate wat we said into mandarin!!!bloody hell, seriously, he din have to point out we were losers so obviously.

Neways, the bus leaves at 1pm so we’ve got abt 3 hours to kill. Will jus hang wif ah mah and ah kong before leaving. Love them to bits.

Miss List

1) The tangible him.

2) Good coffee (I reckon Starbucks is overrated, Angazi’s cap is way better)

3) Roti Bakar wif kaya and butter *yum yum*

4) Havin’ mackers wif Mien aka the bitching session

China: Day 3

Routine…jeez, I hate that word. Routine sucks. But it’s sumthing dat the old folks are comfortable with. They love it actually. We eat at the same restaurant everyday! Twice a day as a matter of fact. Every time we go, the waitresses suppress a smile. So, routine; wake up at 7 am, granddad gets a check up, does an x-ray, and I’ve gotta chop chop and get my act together by 8.30 am. Yeah. Am slow in the morn. Very slow actuallie. Even more so when u’ve been caffeine deprived for 3 days.

Sigh, I’ve been called lots of names since I got here. Only sze han calls me Tiffany. I have to say tho, my grandma does try her best to pronounce my name. Mostly it sounds like kippy (as in tiffy), kimpeni (as in tiffany), ah kim (short for kimpeni which means tiffany)…and various others. As granddad can’t say my name at all, he settles for oi, eh, oui…so on and so forth. No kiddin’.

since I wake so early, I realize I get reallie grumpy come 11 am. Like reallie reallie grumpy. I need a coffee and a cigarette. I reallie do. Was trudging ard the nearest town yesterday looking for a caf?. but every single food place I went said ‘sorrie, we have no such thing’ whilst looking at me puzzled. Very annoying. So was pretty much overjoyed when I saw a place dat said Europe Country Food Place. But, bloody hell…8 yuan for a cup of coffee wif lousy sugar and thick milk. Neways, it did the trick, so can’t complain. And now it’s 12.47 pm, and I still have not had my coffee…my eyes are heavy and hurting, my grandma won’t stop talking nonsense or repeating things dat I already noe (god, so like my mum…my mum wld actuallie repeat something dat I told her jus minutes before and act like she got the info from sum other source, seriously wats the point in dat. Sumtimes, actuallie most of the time, she jus talks for the sake of talking w/o making much sense which irritates the hell outta me and my dad.)…well the only pro at the mo is dat, these 2 old folks aren’t superbly deaf so the tv is not blasting as loud as it was in triang (my other granddad IS superbly death, volume is at level 98 when he listens to the mandarin news, normali at this point me and my sis wld run up the stairs, shut the door and hide under the covers).

Miss List

1) Him

Day 2 in this puzzling Chinese land. 9th Jan 2005

Pros and cons of Blogging

PROS

1) I can vent vent vent!!! Tho ‘ahem’ I hardly do. Saying fuck in every sentence is not considered venting is it?

2) I know what day it is and how many days I have left in this jungle of a country. I am down to 12 days. Yeepee do dah.

3) I can allow my ‘creative juices’ to flow.

4) I don’t hv to repeat my ‘adventures’ during catch ups wif stoners dat read my blog.

5) saves fone bills…we’re connected thru cyber literature…however shitty dat sounds.

CONS

1)I don’t always get access to the net and if I do most of my posts are in my notebook…broadband is scarce.

2) ppl u dunno, knoe’s wat’s goin on in ur life and secretly bitches abt u.

3) it’s obssessive and can get to the point where u wanna do sumthin jus so u can update ur stoopid blog. Yeah, it’s happened to me…but I’m over it so it’s cool. Besides I haven’t dun anything too dumb or extreme…I jus…exaggerate. Not all the time tho mind u! and no, Mun, am not a drama queen. Am cool, calm and collected. Really.

4) u tend to exaggerate mundane facts or spice up ur dull routine so ppl will actuallie read ur blog. Rite tink it’s been stated before but yeah it’s a hugely important factor.

5) I’m out. It’s taking too much brain power to think of anymore.

it’s 3.20 pm. Achievements? I have managed to find a place dat sells coffee! Even tho it means freezing in the cold (cos I’ve gotta sit outside if I wanna fag). And I hv made frens wif an uncle who sold me a fake fone card. 50 yuan mind u. will go back tomoro and give him a piece of my mind…ok, I prolly won’t , I’ll prolly be all apologetic and loserish and politely ask him why the bloody thing did not work. Amount of failed missions? One. Still cannot find the bloody post office. Everyone keeps telling me it’s in a green building…but every bloody building down dat street is green and I walked and walked and walked and then started stomping…but to no avail. For goodness sake, can’t a fone agent sell stamps and have the postbox rite in front of it. Is dat not convenient? Dun convenience mean anything to them?

Observations

1) Women in Zhu Hai do not, I repeat, do not, smoke. Only the men do. I hv yet to spot a woman dat smokes…openly. I’m guessing a woman’s reputation is bloody important here.

2) Children here are considered treasures. They get the most beautiful clothes and yummiest food whilst the elders dress in daggy flower prints and pointy old shoes. Aiya, the effects of the one child policy! U get spoilt obese kids dressed in pretty clothes.

3) Zhu Hai women have a penchant for flesh coloured tights dat make their legs look plastic and mannequinish. And white lace ard the ankles are considered fashionable, I’m thinking dat the guys here think it’s sexy, so it’ll be like they’re actually looking at real skin during winter!

4) Everyone owns at least 3 pairs of blazers. Colour of choice? Grey. Very corporate, no?

5) Pedestrians do not give a shite abt automobiles; the trick to crossing the road is to jus cross.

6) Horns are sounded extensively. For instance, before turning out on to the road, they horn, before parking, they horn again, as they are driving they jus horn. Sumtimes for no reason at all and sumtimes to remind u (the pedestrian) dat they’re the ones with the weapon. Defensive driving indeed.

Zhu Hai – 8th Jan 05, 7.55 pm

Phew, China…am kinda speechless. By day it’s horrifying, but by night it becomes mystifying. Crazy huh? The one thing I realized is that u can never be too nice in China. Ppl take advantage of ur vulnerability and politeness. Yep, no kiddin. Made my first boo boo today. Waitress asked for 16 yuan and I gave her 10.70…reason being I thot the 5 and 2 notes were actually 5 and 2 yuan…well, they weren’t. it was actuallie 50 and 20 cents. Seriously, who puts cents in notes? reallie! So like if u wanna make a fone call from the public fone u wld use…? Notes? Jeez. I was looking for a converter today at this … I guess u can call it a ‘convenience store’ wif a scary looking boss dat barks instead of speaking and a couple of loserish salesboys.

tiffy: how much?

asshole: what?! This? (picks up the converter and slams it ard looking for the stoopid price tag) 22!!

tiffy: oh…cheaper can ah?

asshole: huh? What?! It works!!

at which point I got so pissed at his attitude I started barking myself!!

tiffy: CHEAPER!! It’s expensive. (D’oh, bloody asshole)

asshole: (glares at tiffy as if he wants to slap her twice and throw her out of his shop) 20!

for goodness sake, was dat so hard to say? And did he have to keep barking? Jeez.

tiffy: yeah, I’ll take it. (glares at him) and no, I do not need a plastic bag. (shoots daggers at him and storms out of the shop fumbling for a cigarette.)

yeah, so, am never goin back there. Am traumatised. I reckon I got braver by night time tho. Was bloody sick of ppl looking at me weird cos I was the only one wearing a scarf. Yeah, dat was how weird I was…nobody wears scarfs!!! But every lady wears pointy heels!! With diamantes mind u. and colour co-ordination is not high on the list. Reckon wat’s important is how pointy ur heels are! So far the colours I’ve seen are: plum, brown, ugly green, freakingly shocking pink, brown, maroon, brown, grey, navy blue, brown…u get my drift. The men have a preference for grey blazers and black/navy blue vests. Makes them feel more authoritative I guess…

and of cos u get the odd prosperous red and gold at times. Babies are so adorable here and there’re plenty of them. Sitting quietly (in their matching hats and coats buttoned up to their little chins) behind the mum peddling furiously to the market or someplace…

Scenario 2

tiffy was waiting outside a restaurant for some takeaway. A woman carrying her baby and a friend/relative comes out from the restaurant and heads directly towards tiffy. She settles next to her, squats, takes off the baby’s pants and forces the baby to do a wee…on the road. All this while, the fren is chattering away abt how her 2nd uncle’s babies also wee very frequently, cldn’t catch much as am a loser in the Chinese language. The mother gets up, her pointy shoes are wet with wee, kisses the baby for being so smart and walks back into the restaurant still discussing the frequency of the baby’s urinary routine. Tiffy is stunned and takes a step to the right so the pee does not flow towards her adidas’.

ok, what I dun get is why the mum wld prefer for the kid to wee on the street when rite next to her is beautiful green grass in need of such nutrients. Wat a waste. But dat’s why zhu hai sumtimes smells like poo I guess.

macau oh macau

my advice to anyone travelling international, regardless of how small the budget, is to NEVER travel Air Asia. first of all, u can't blame the stewardesses for not being professional cos ppl dat travel on air asia are usually...not. 2nd, the bloody seats are worst than virgin. ok, given dat it's in a softer posh black pvc (as opposed to virgin's glaring red and blue), the freakin space between seats is pratically non-existent. thankfully my grandparents are way smaller than me so i got to seat outside... perk? bein able to sit diaganoally, reason? legs cannot fit between the seats. shitty air asia. i understand dat asians r smaller but hello? aren't we all eating more meat & drinkin more milk? has tony fernandez heard of 'ahem', scotts emulsion aka cod's liver oil (sorrie chaboh, noe he's ur idol but am not happie!). NANIKORE!!!i'd overlooked the 2 hr delay but seriously, this was ridiculous. plus, airasia has a policy dat states NO OUTSIDE FOOD ALLOWED. Ok...so there goes my prosperity burger meal...and wat do i hv to settle for?4 ringgit worth of cup noodles. not dat i had any but still...so much for ...the prices of our food and beverages are reasonable. whatevernot.

apart from dat harrowing experience. macau is awesome. tho the cops dun look as good as the HK ones...i love the place...prolly cos han's pad rocks. ur typical 34 yr old bachelor pad. lurve it. cld stay here for days and days...am trying not to get too carried away. neways, in the morn we're off to zhu hai (yeah...kinda missplet it in the previous post)...han says everything in china is immitation...from soya sauce to water to m lights (thank god for duty free). so far, gua mah & gua kong are doin good. so, we'll see wat happens within the next few weeks. hope i can understand wat the doctor is tryin to say. i'm useless here u noe...can't read...can hardly speak...least i understand..and Mr whatzisname from our time management seminar says body languag constitutes 70 % (or sum figure like dat) of communication. so if i can communicate at least 70 %...dats enuf rite?

miss list (yes, i noe it hasn't been 24 hrs but i do have one so there!)

1) the gorgeous 'wan'...never felt so close to him since i got back.

2) coffee

3) my poor lil sis who can't do integer

4) looking at Lesportsac & Lulu Guinness for hours and hours

5) Carmen & Beh (we had a rockin time on thurs no?)

6) Mun

7) those stoner dayz

ananth and i were jus reminiscing the nite before i left abt the stoner days we had. the krazie times where we shishaed n chilled n stoned non-stop for the whole month. man, we even got tat to go to a play. dat speaks for itself man!!! and 20% discount at starbucks (ananth worked der last hols), so good. tho i must say, management at dat particular starbucks sucks now...yep, it was good while u der so quit wif the bragging aight!

dun reckon we'd be able to get those random days back. i cannot believe how much i missed them when i went back to perth in feb...man, wat reallie hit was when tat msged me when the bunch were at latte @ 8 (a late nite tv show hosted by jason lo at starbucks).

gosh, this was the longest we'd talked since i left. it was amazing...but also heart wrenching. yeah, crying in the airport is never a good idea...especially when a lady in a pink frilly cardigan in glasses is holding her bf's hand lookin smugly at u...n the indian dude 2 seats away is trying his best to catch ur conversation...and the uncle in front of u is pretending to sleep. still, it kinda rejuvenated me. i noe i noe...it's sad to need these things to bring u to life...but it happens to work dat way..and he bloody makes me happie...and sad....and overwhelmed. so there. least i'm experiencing emotions now. ok, contradicting my previous post but ...justifiable!

ok,must sleep now...i tink...else...won't wake up? or rather shouldn't sleep so will be awake...either way am going to sleep. hugs and kissess to those dat r in need of em. if not...spread it ard ya?

Ja Matta

I am leaving yet again. This time to Macau then Zhu Tai in Guangzhou. My companions? Gua Mah & Gua Kong (my maternal grandparents). But it's only for 2 weeks...i shall survive, even though lodging is the hospice where ppl die almost every nite, wailing in misery N torment. Well, least I've shopped myself out and mamaked so much i'm pretty much over teh o ais limau, actuali, scrap dat, reckon i cld still go on for another month of it...man, dat and M lights, and my stoner kaki's wld be perfect. Haih yah, in denial, in this respect i dun reckon it's a good thing. n i hv yet to mentally prepare myself for the horror. It'd be good to see Sze Han in Macau though (hehe, very cute guy cousin who's working at the casinos there).

jus read his blog...both of 'em actuallie. can't say which i like more. can't say i like any of them. it breaks my heart. i remember asking him if it was hard being where he was. and it struck me...god, it's tough. freakin tough. neways, i try hard not to be emo. like i was freakin worried n frustrated for the past 3 days 'cos i'd no news of him, cos like...tiffy's so smart rite...she finishes up her all her fone credits bar RM0.03 when she can...ditto for the cash and runs up a huge credit card bill. so obviously, not in the good graces of her wonderful parents. by 1.20 a.m. of Wed, 5th Jan, it was officially 3 days since i'd talked to him. I'm thinking, is it better to not talk to him and then be all bitchy and stereotypical, not to mention judgemental (but only to a certain extent cos can't take dat shite) as deprived of his voice or to have talked to him and then be all loserish & lovesick after. reckon i shld quit listening to chihiro...altho she's freakin comforting, she makes me bleed.

it's 3pm...my flight leaves at 7.4opm...hv to leave for the airport at 5pm but haven't packed...will do so ...soon. yeah like i said...there's a reason why procrastination is wat it is...yeah whatever i need a fag.

Miss List

1) Merchant's grande cap

2) his sweet smelling skin

3) my life w/o family responsibilities...it's a not a burden but it's getting to be a heavy obligation

4) Watching Bridget

at the shop

Things done today(not much...but at least...something)

1) Had lunch wif B2...he's doing great these days...reckon med school has made him more of a man. plus he's given up the fags, (prolly cos he's got a sore throat) kudos to ananth.

crap...dats it, dun hv a number 2.

God. Yesterday was a traumatic experience. I think i'm taking this retail therapy shite too seriously. i've got something to get in every shop and the lack of resources to get them. which bloody sucks cos carmen's got all the freakin' resources and nothing to get. so, we has 'operasi mencari wang untuk tiffy' yesterday. why? cos silly tiffy had to spot a Gwen Stefani LAMB (hella hobo mind u) at metrojaya. the visa did not work cos smart tiffy has managed to max it up. and um, cash...seriously who carries dat much cash ard. ahem, next option was to get the dosh fr the aussie bank account. which i did...which ended up in the hands of a rude idiotic metrojaya salesman who clanged my lamb bag left, right and centre before deciding to put it into a crappy metrojaya plastic bag. whoopee. was hyperventilating as i handed the cash to him...not because i din like him...i loved him to death (he was handling the bag how could i not) but cos i've never spent such a huge amount of money on such a frivolous item. i mite be obssessed wif the birkin n the chanel quilts but i wld never pay to get one.

in case ppl were wondering, i have written up a number of posts which r in my notebook...see the thing is...being the smart person dat i am...i kinda left my thumb drive at the um...ISC office. yeah i did. so i hv no way of getting the shite out unless i get another one...which will be soon cos mum reckons she's way good frens wif the comp geeks at the comp shop. yeah. so updates on new yrs day and christmas will be up soon....as soon as procrastinating mum gets her act together...no pressure mum...i'm pretty sure encik jalil is of more importance...after all he needs that LG washing machine dat washes over 10 kgs. tho service is bad but space is abundant. Gtg, mum needs to put jalil's name into the database.

miss list

1) the tangible him

2) yeah dat's it...and various others i guess but minimal as compared to the force.