moonflower or sunflower?

3 bottles of moonflower down...none left. the onli thing i've got left is

1) vanilla vanilla (which i dun reckon i'd use...me is not such a sweeet person)

2) Hugo Boss Deep Red (used to be my fave but onli for winter...n besides the person who gave it to me was an arse...actuallie i tink he still is!!!)

3) J'adore (ugh, this one is tooo heavy n in moi opinion, onli suitable for the mid 30s women cos it's sooooo heavy)

4) Green Tea (given to me by my dearest chaboh, but i can't use it cos....no mood)

5) White Musk (they say it's a sexy scent but...i can onli handle it in moisturisers...)

6) my last & onli option...elizabeth arden sunflower (used to love it...until i smelt it on my auntieeeeeeeee horrors!i noe! of all ppl rite? am so sad... but it'd hv to do. )

my onli consolation now is dat chris says i smell good, thank god he din say i smell like an old woman. i would so die if he said dat. now am looking to forgoing my moonflower and be adventurous ....so my options are

1) Marc Jacob's Blush (lovely lovely jasmine smelll.....)

2) Elizabeth Taylor Gardenia ...which is obviously Gardenia but so incredibly delicious

3) Marc by Marc Jacobs ...which also ahem...smells of gardenia but it also includes jasmine! so there...hehe

4) Iced Green Tea by Elizabeth Arden,...but it's been discontinued... =(

5) Elizabeth Arden Provocative or Red Door Revealed...yeah, i'm an elizabeth arden fan...prolly cos moi hv sensitive skin hence cannot inhale parfum wif loads of alchohol...besides detrimental to nose senses no?

extensions hv been granted. good thing i've been doin shite for the guild else she'd hv told me to f off. so now i've gotta create a newsletter for NLC...hmm, maybe ginny can help? these days, moi has gotten so fat dat the onli thing i'm able to fit into are my skirts and...thank god they're all elastic. and the onli t-shirts i'm able to wear are my student rep t-shirts...yes i noe, how loser is dat? everyone's like, wah u damn hardcore ah. yeah for schizel menizel...if dats how u spell it, and no i can't remember wat it reallie means but i tink it just means...for sure? neways, chris wld correct me on dat.

so chris is thinking of publishing my blog address and a bit of my blog in paragon (ISC's free bi-annual publication) but like...am kinda reluctant wif dat cos the main reason moi started this up was so moi's frens cld keep in touch wif wat moi is doin n feeling. but too publish for the whole international student population of curtin to seee? wah lao, so they an grab a piece of their convenor? no thank u!!! but on the other hand, mum is gonna print bits of it to read...so watever mum reads...shld be alrite for the public? haha...

speaking of which, my dad has quit smoking. i noe...it's absolutely amazing. he still drinks but least he's quite smoking. so wat does the daughter hv to say about it? so like hardcore malboro reds smoking tedy has quit...so has shuta hoshino (both of em using those nicotine patches). apparently it works for tedy but shuta reckons it's a mental thing so...ai ya will see how it goes la.

things to look forward to

1) UWA ISS Agm...yeah weird i noe, but dearest jo is gonna be stepping down so me wanna be there to see her explode wif happiness ;p

2) monthly dinner...greek or mexican doesn't matter anymore la...hehe.

3) next sunday, so i can take a break before opening the books. ugh.

special thanks to my sifu & dine for dat lovely card of encouragment...thank u so much for caring dine & sifu. It means a lot. geline as well...hehe, u always supporting me regardless la!!! hehe, ok, hv to admit the diet thing is ahem...not working but will still try to ganbadei...hehehe. luv u guys lots!!!!

ok here's a confession (these r my confessions...la la la ) i hv to admit dat i'm kinda sad abt not being able to work wif jacky next year. reason? haha, altho we communicate in the world's most chaotic way, eg.

1) shouting at each other in the office& wondering why we dun understand each other

2) arguing in the car b4 and after meetings

3) glaring & spitting mean comments at each other when there're meetings to go for & we're both stressed wif assignments & neither of us wants to attend.

4) me calling him a mofo, b^&*%, idiot , f^&*er...and all sorts of other things...and him taking deep breaths to calm down so he doesn't burst ...tho he's turned a bright purple/red...

5) bickering and complaining abt each other during nlc outings. eg. when huey came to town n we had dinner at young joes....

we still understand each other. It's funny cos i always feel dat i can make fun of him but no one else is allowed to cos they dun noe where he's coming from. i used to cannot stand being with him...but after tat & mun came...they kinda changed my perspective. they're like, this jacky teo ah...so far-nie. and i guess i kinda saw where they were comin from and i felt so much better after dat. and now i'm kinda feeling sad abt not being able to work wif him at isc anymore. cos regardless of how much we shout, argue and shout profanities at each other..we still stand up & take care of each other. it's amazing. it's like, we'd be arguing like krazie before a meeting but during the meeting we'd be like, 'i dun tink u understand where jacky/tiff is coming from, u hv to understand his/her situation...'

and jus yesterday after state exec, we din hv a car so we had to walk down to northbridge and i felt as if we were in melbourne again, relying on each other and wat not. it was a sad yet surprisingly comfortable feeling.

miss my mummy....

white

my 2nd blog for the day...i've realized my prob, i haven't been crying for the past few months. everything is in me, my inability to express emotion is disgusting. i no longer cry at movies...nor when i'm driving...nor when something bad happens. i just get angry. maybe it's dat time of the yr. but the numbness in me is looming ovr me like an evil shadow.

wanton wanderings (according www.dictionary.com is the equivalent to random thots...???)

procrastination...ah...i revel in dat word...brings me joy, a way out from moi dead end and the fact dat it exists gives me a reason to adhere to it.

so, the pretty awesome dude hasn't replied to 2 of my smses. will hv to endure....

funnily enuf, was totali colour co-ordinated today!...am totali dressed up in blue!!!! even my fag pouch n packaging is blue! my file, my top, my skirt, my UCB bag, thongs (turquoise is a shade of blue no?)...hmm wat else, pen, and um...the freddos i've been consuming! haha...

my hair is starting to act funny. no kidding. it's at a stage where it refuses to stay straight n the bits at the end keep curling in...or out. frustrating i tell ya.

BEP (black eyed peas) is haunting me everywhere i go!!! from their music videos to the radio playin them everytime i get into the car...wat on bloody earth hv i done to deserve this...seriously...and they're luring me...slowly...and i feel as if i'm fallling ...in lurve wif them...not dat it's a bad thing...they'd be the next obssession after the (um, okie, this is embarassing but i'll admit to it...) Britney Spears, Christina Aguilera & Jessica Simpson obssession. Do u noe, i've got like 5 files (all in diff pastel colours) wif their pics & article cuttings from CosmoGirl, TeenBeat, B, Teen...omg, the list is endless...i tink i spent ...easily $800 on them...cripes...obssessive freako la.

but, it's alrite. least i still like christina & jessica so it's ok...

i hv to say thx to andoryu for compiling a mixtape for me....it's so handy...it's wif me everywhere i go....good stuff.

continuation...

finalie finished all the meetings (for today dat is, tomoro is exec, n still hv to come up wif a report...wonder if jacky teo has submitted his report to the GROK!!!)...urgh. these days meetings dun appeal to me anymore. yes yes, i used 2 fine them excitin...god knoes why , but yeah used to listen attentively n try to focus n then answer but now...it's like...yeah ...uh huh...and then?...so wat do u want me to do...was fallin asleep at CBS Teaching&Learning yesterday...cannot help it la...bunch of idiotic commerce lecturers were bloody borin n bein self-righteous n all.

so, intl studs can't speak english well eh? i wonder who let them in in the first place...mofo CBS arseholes...seriously, they've got so MUCH freakin MONEY...y can't they spend it on sumthin as simply as the communications skills centre? stingy bastards.

tirade aside. am dyin for a lollipop. a strawberry flavoured one. summer is on its way....big fat flies r buzzin ard like there's no tomoro...breeding n irritating...urgh. worst is dat we've got a fly in the office... can't stand them annoying assess.

Bulan Ramadhan is here

uncle pairul is one of the most disciplined malay i noeeeee!! even faizal (our lazy driver back in m'sia) smokes secretly durin' ramadhan...seriously these dudes r amazin'...i wouldn't've been able to handle 3 hrs w/o water let alone abstain fr fags n chocs. will die durin the first hour cos dun reckon can handle the stress of the rest of the hours! ha.

Miss List

1) Chaboh...missin' ya like krazie...can't wait to seeee u! hehe

2) DIne n Sifu....hope dine is gettin better...it's been ages since i saw her...okie, i saw her last sat, but haven't been talkin to her much...

3) Kim Gary...yeah need sum fish fillet cheese baked rice (okie, i noe it sounds gross but seriously, it's the awesomest dish ever invented!!! no kiddin) & a 'tong lai cha' (HK ice milk tea) for a quick pick-me-up

4) Taka's Kitchen ...yeah, dat chicken karaage is becomin a habit man...

HUgs to all & apologies for not updatin sooner... hv been um...busy & um...lazy ;p

random thots

rite...went to the golden key reception the other day...was bored as hell!!!onli highlight was prolly them guys pronouncing my name wrong "Sze Kew Soh" and not receiving a cert cos it wasn't ready. yep, highlite cos dat's how boring it was....oh n dat tipsy woman dat made a fool out of herself...no no no,wasn't laffin at her...was kinda laffin wif her! ;p

so i've got 4 assignments due next week but is tiffy doing any of them? nope. she's been a lazy bugger...why? no idea

its thurs rite?so, was suppose to hv a date wid this pretty awesome dude...who was supposed to call me on monday. so waited. and waited. and waited. finali decided to sms him yesterday as decided there was no point gettin angry at a person w/o knowing why the person did not call.

the person did not reply...until 2 mins ago whereby he said...hi baby, i'm soree but hve 2 postpone 2day's outing. got last min show tis weekend.prvte function.i hve 2 do rehearsals wit my band.id give u a cll nzt wk k?im so soree.

so wat do u reply to dat? am pretty much pissed...mostly at myself for looking forward to this stooopid 'outing' and thinkin dat this person cld be my 'pillar of strength' which is a bit unfair i guess...ah well. so be it. dun noe wat my next step is...dun actuallie want 2 reply or go out wif this person nemore...

not b'cos of this person will not be goin out wif me...but b'cos tink am using the person to dump moi burden on.

for the record, missed my counsellors appointement....dats prolly y i'm still a loser(actuallie, am loser alreadi if go for counsellin neways rite? or is it the other way ard??)

acted like a mad woman today...had no fags...till 12, by then was a desperate person, but refused to accept rollies (they're so grossss!) n beg fr other ppl, so had to wait for mun (cos mun's got the stash) to come. but seriously wanted to kill myself. missed 30 mins of class in order to look for mun. felt like a loser. okie am one neways...

grown fatter...geline taught me how to diet...am praying (to who i dunno and fingers crossed) dat will be able to stick to it till sunday. but thing is....hv eaten 2 bars of chocs alredi (by now, no. has risen to 3) so effectively, hv broken diet...hence can actuallie consume more chocolate!!! omg, wat a brilliant thot!yes, tiffy has her brilliante moments tooo...

one of the most interesting person moi met this month is this dude candice christens as 'botak bohemian', this dude is a bundle of laughs i tell ya. ppl like candice n him r so bloody random n happie. okie by happie, i mean dat even when they're by themselves they're pretty much ok, they dun sink into this melancholy depressed state dat most ppl normally wld. okie generalising but...yeah....

the poor dude got stripped search cos he bought our stash, took him 2 hrs to get out after bein interogated...me & mun feel so damn bad, he's one of the nicest s'poreans, apart fr c&s of cos! ;p

mr jacky teo is an asshole. first tells me the meeting is at 4.30pm then now says its at 4pm, will hv to ciao n continue later...can forsee a tirade comin.....

Mission Failed *loud beeping red sign*

Saturday. was pumped and energised for a good day of shopping.

Tiffy’s mission?

To get that flowly comfy pretty Valley Girl skirt. It was quite obviously a simple mission but…they don’t stock it anymore.

So off I went dragging chaboh to every other clothes store…found a reallie pretty black sequined chiffon/silk skirt at Roads but…ahem, price was a bit too steep for me. It was shop after shop after shop. Until chaboh said “hungwy”.

Actually, at that point in time I’d given up hope and was disappointed beyond belief. I dunno why I felt so strongly about it. I guess I’d set my heart on getting it and so…yeah. Neways, so we had Taka’s at Shafto Lane…hehe, chaboh was a bit wary of whether I knew the place or not (her stomach was rumbling at that point u see)…and to be honest, I wasn’t too sure where it was. And so I guessed it was the turning after king st and sure enuf there it was, quaint and lovely in its shade of trees and brick pavements.

While taking a break from lunch with our pink sobs a couple of African Americans hovered around us…saying “Aw man!! They got chicken wings here, we went to KFC and they ain’t got no chicken wings, yo girls, can we have sum? Just this one?”

me and chaboh looked at each other, we din noe whether to laugh or roll our eyes. So finally they left us alone…but this other dude kept on talking to us like we couldn’t speak English. When u think about it, they’ve been at sea for 5 months together and haven’t seen another soul during dat time…so I guess it’s pretty normal to say hi to every single person you meet after such an ordeal rite??

neways, they were reallie nice blokes to talk to. All they wanted was to talk to ppl they’ve never seen before. Eg. Asians. *rolls eyes*.

so neways, we told them we were Malaysians and they were like

no way!!! Aw man! We just came from m’sia. Aw man, y’all got stinky water, stinky stinky water. And y’all dun care about your pedestrians, man we were trying to cross the pedestrian walk, and maybank was there and Citibank was there and man y’all don’t care about your pedestrians. And y’all got this stop signs dat says…man wat was it? It started with a B…

at which point tiffy interjects and says ‘Berhenti?’

a big yeah!! And finger pointing at me ‘dat’s it’. Big grins and smiles all around.

me and chaboh jus looked at each other and were like ‘uh huh’.

but they were reallie nice. Jules is only 19 and he’s from LA, the crappy part, he was jailed 6 months before he turned 17 (involved in an arm robbery u see) and both his brothers were either drug dealers or involved in a gang bang. Whatever that means…I heard him say dat a lot. It was reallie hard to catch wat he was saying when this other dude Kodak (he was the cute one) was talking loudly to chaboh and this other dude, dunno his name, mumbling to himself in the background.

after they left me and chaboh just burst out laughing…and we were still laughing when we reached Kookai.

A big thank you to cheh for giving me the Romeo & Juliet tics. It was brilliant. Went wif Mun, as per usual moi was late, so me, mun & tat were in the car rushing like krazie (kinda like amazing race in a sense hehe, all of us needed a light to calm down)...it was my first ballet in wat...4 yrs. when we got there, the usherer was like ladies, they're about to lock upstairs quick quick. so me and mun scrambled up the stairs in our heels n made in time...

the seats were not too flash but the company was good ;p n so was the music...romeo''s ass was a bit too big for my liking n he seemed reallie heavy. mun reckons it's the strangest interpretation of romeo n juliet ever reason being:

1) Juliet's mum was indian n her relatives wore star trek like costumes (black leather fr head to toe with a cape!!)

2) The priest n Anna (juliet's maid or wat do u call it? lady-in-waiting?whichever) wore um...jap kimonos & anna had chopsticks in her hair....even the church was very zen like. no kidding.

3) it was not in the least tragic!! me n mun were hoping for a good cry but...um, mercutio's death was dragged on and on whilst romeo & juliet couldn't wait to kill themselves!!!

4) the music was too upbeat (hence the lack of tragedy)

5) Romeo was a bloody sissy!

we saw romeo after the show, real name Milos sumthin...he looked sooo good in real life, in his jeans n adidas jacket...a real hottie i tell ya. hehe, we realized dat he din look so bullky up close cos he wasn't wearing his...white tights (he has the biggest roundest tush i've ever seen!for a guy dat is). all in all we had good fun. thx so much cheh for the tix!!! lotsa hugs & kisses.

shafto lane

I woke up today still as blue as ever. If my face could transform into a myriad of colours; each reflecting a diff mood, it would now be similar to that of an eggplant gone bad. a mixture of green (envy towards those whose lives although seems like a bumpy ride are still enriched wif a sliver of happiness. eg. naomie babes wif her tedy sayang), blue (the way everything ard me is colourless...food is tasteless), red (anger at the various objects n subjects i've encountered. eg. si pek (moi fourth uncle) lecturing me on the saving money whilst not completelty understanding moi's situation), black (similar to dat of the heavy cloud hanging ovr my head) and white (for the longevity of this horrible tastelessness of these mixture of colours). So you can imagine the colour of my face now.

Naomi babes, it's hard to find joy in anything anymore. The pink sobranies and m lights to me are now...sticks of dried grass, dark chocolate tastes like melted mud and rice like spongy plasticine. The only taste dat makes sense atm is the coffee. it revives and quenches my thirst.

china is still close to my heart...i love it and i despise it. i notice little things like my skirt billowing in the wind but am oblivious to bigger things like mun giving me the sweetest gift.

so the questions pops up. what's my goal in life? 'tiffy, so wat are u studying now? accounting is reallie good for you you know', mummy advises. it's too late...

mummy, we've discussed this a thousand times. you pull me in ...then unknowingly u let me go. you comfort me but u remind me. am now again...a conflicted little child longing only for beauty & the beast for solace...for the pampering and hugs and kisses i've always received, for the attention given when my finger bleeds when cutting an orange.

orchid's longing n loneliness still lingers within me. i shall find my way...all in due time.

Orchid Yehonala

my mind is now in absolute chaos...after reading empress orchid, as per usual i adopted the mindset of the narrator; empress orchid and am now at a loss of wat to think and wat to do ( am so stressed dat i feel like pulling my hair out...as if my life would be so much better stuck in the tomb wif wimpy emperor hsien feng & away fr civilization), especially after reading the e-mails posted in the nlc west yahoogroups. disappointment and hopelessness has now rested upon me. I feel like an old lady wif thinning hair and black french dye trying to rule a dying dragon...i wish for peace...the kunming river, peonies and beautiful calligraphy.

phrases like 'glimmer of hope' and 'restore nlcwest to its former glory' are confusing. can hardly differentiate fact from fantasy. now if only i could get out of orchid's soul and become tiffany again dat would be great...it's been ages since a book had such an effect on me, the last time this happened was when i read memoirs of a geisha and vermillion gate. am feeling funny. i can only say dat i'm glad dat empress orchid was not as gruesome as vermillion gate, though torturous nonetheless.

i hate seeing my frens in such conditions. like i said, september is evil. it does strange things to couples and ppl alike. it's during this time when the skies are cloudy and hovers above us like a brewing witch's cauldron. it's during this time when the plum blossoms in front of ur house start to wither. it's during this time when probs from pasar malam start to crop up & mosquitoes sting.

dat's all from me atm...will update when state of mind has calmed...when i have finally managed to reach the heart of the tornado.