shafto lane

I woke up today still as blue as ever. If my face could transform into a myriad of colours; each reflecting a diff mood, it would now be similar to that of an eggplant gone bad. a mixture of green (envy towards those whose lives although seems like a bumpy ride are still enriched wif a sliver of happiness. eg. naomie babes wif her tedy sayang), blue (the way everything ard me is colourless...food is tasteless), red (anger at the various objects n subjects i've encountered. eg. si pek (moi fourth uncle) lecturing me on the saving money whilst not completelty understanding moi's situation), black (similar to dat of the heavy cloud hanging ovr my head) and white (for the longevity of this horrible tastelessness of these mixture of colours). So you can imagine the colour of my face now.

Naomi babes, it's hard to find joy in anything anymore. The pink sobranies and m lights to me are now...sticks of dried grass, dark chocolate tastes like melted mud and rice like spongy plasticine. The only taste dat makes sense atm is the coffee. it revives and quenches my thirst.

china is still close to my heart...i love it and i despise it. i notice little things like my skirt billowing in the wind but am oblivious to bigger things like mun giving me the sweetest gift.

so the questions pops up. what's my goal in life? 'tiffy, so wat are u studying now? accounting is reallie good for you you know', mummy advises. it's too late...

mummy, we've discussed this a thousand times. you pull me in ...then unknowingly u let me go. you comfort me but u remind me. am now again...a conflicted little child longing only for beauty & the beast for solace...for the pampering and hugs and kisses i've always received, for the attention given when my finger bleeds when cutting an orange.

orchid's longing n loneliness still lingers within me. i shall find my way...all in due time.