Orchid Yehonala

my mind is now in absolute chaos...after reading empress orchid, as per usual i adopted the mindset of the narrator; empress orchid and am now at a loss of wat to think and wat to do ( am so stressed dat i feel like pulling my hair out...as if my life would be so much better stuck in the tomb wif wimpy emperor hsien feng & away fr civilization), especially after reading the e-mails posted in the nlc west yahoogroups. disappointment and hopelessness has now rested upon me. I feel like an old lady wif thinning hair and black french dye trying to rule a dying dragon...i wish for peace...the kunming river, peonies and beautiful calligraphy.

phrases like 'glimmer of hope' and 'restore nlcwest to its former glory' are confusing. can hardly differentiate fact from fantasy. now if only i could get out of orchid's soul and become tiffany again dat would be great...it's been ages since a book had such an effect on me, the last time this happened was when i read memoirs of a geisha and vermillion gate. am feeling funny. i can only say dat i'm glad dat empress orchid was not as gruesome as vermillion gate, though torturous nonetheless.

i hate seeing my frens in such conditions. like i said, september is evil. it does strange things to couples and ppl alike. it's during this time when the skies are cloudy and hovers above us like a brewing witch's cauldron. it's during this time when the plum blossoms in front of ur house start to wither. it's during this time when probs from pasar malam start to crop up & mosquitoes sting.

dat's all from me atm...will update when state of mind has calmed...when i have finally managed to reach the heart of the tornado.