onli 4 u lin

HL's been reallie tired and stressed out lately...i want to reach out to her...but somehow as i'm sinking deeper and deeper in this horribly tiny square of quicksand...i can't pull together the energy to say the words. i don't wanna say, i'll be there for u regardless cos it mite not be true...i can't say things are gonna get better either cos it's a fe-reakin volatile world we live in...so all i can say is dat i empathise (altho truth be told i wish i don't), and it hurts me dat it hurts u. we'll get there i guess

apart fr dat...it's week 3. i realized i can't be convenor 24/7, i dun wanna be convenor 24/7. all of a sudden i feel very protective over my life. i want to gather the tiny things dat mean so much to me at this present moment, like picking strawberries and then having it later, firm and sweet, wif sugar and cream.

i love mushrooms. fresh mushrooms and grape tomatoes, and tomato juice, and cherry tomatoes. avacado's rock the fruit N veg party pretty well too...

actuallie wat abt mangoes? nice cold juicy plump mangoes dat u can slurp and smudge ur face with.

it's been extreeemely humid here. i use to savour the blanket of warmth and stickiness when i was back in m'sia...strange but true. but it's sumthing to be feeling in a certain way (eg. battling to breathe in the humidity and disregarding the fact dat u perspire a lot), like u noe everyone else is as uncomfortable as u are. it's like u're in a ship goin thru a neverending storm trying to look for ur loved one dat fell off the side.

things bothering tiffy

1) my 2500 word essay dat's due comin tues dat my brain refuses to think about.

2) getting things done for ISC....communication is a problem, ideas come in spurts, papers are strewn everywhere, i nvr remember when is what and what is where...

3) my auntie....it's as if she's hanging on the edge of a cliff..it's pretty high one too mind u, and nothing any of us say will get her to climb up...some days she falls farther down...other days, the skies and flowers motivate her to climb a bit higher...

4) my uncle...he hasn't changed since his trip fr m'sia but, i nvr knoe wat goes on in his mind...i wish i did...or maybe i don't.

5) my mum...i do worrie abt her. i wonder if her energy will ever run out and dun wish to be there for the day dat happens. touchwood.

6) myself- i worry abt wat i will become...i wori dat sumhow my bitterness levels will go up...dat i will not hv the passion to live...dat i will be disinterested. shudder.

7)chaboh - i wonder abt her welfare. she's fine...but sumhow sumthing's either lost or needed to be found...

8) tat- nuthin in particular...but he's changed heaps...and i guess he's still growin', i wori abt him finding his niche...i hope he does.

9) mr sia- he's goin thru and awful patch...but still i reckon he keeps movin'...acceptance is the key i guess.

the boy isn't a bother so he's not on the list, until sumtin else comes up of cos but it's...proli cos we're cruisin at the mo. let it be. just so.

dats all...not much reallie...so it's all good

on a random note, i hate john allert for showing us dat Toscani doc, and i hate Toscani for putting it in my face and i wish never ever to watch the news or another documentary ever again. thruout dat whole hour of torture, the hair on my skin was permanently raised and shivers wldn't stop running thru me like electric currents shocking my nerves and fraying them... it's alrite for toscani! he doesn't hv to pick up the bits and pieces of the frayed ends. bloody hell.