omg wtf

ok, there's onli so much i can take, between ISC, the family drama and the thot of an LDR. i feel as if i've been stretched so thin i dun noe wat i look like anymore (ok, fat la i noe but...u noe wat i mean) there r a number of things dat r concerning me.

1) i'm not tinking or taking care of my family enuf. i do, but ...not enuf. i hv, as a matter of fact, taken them for granted the past few months and the length of guilt is becoming lengthier...i noe they understand, especially mum, but it shouldn't be this way.

2) ISC. yes, dat is wat my life revolves ard. there's a whole heap of shite dat i wan to do but hv not gotten ard to doin it. and it irks me dat i hven't done it, the lack of sleep is catching up on me and taking it's toll...i hv a pimple. also, i've managed to brush off a number of meetings and various other stuf and it's mostly b'cos of the boy, and dat shits me cos it's so jacky teo-ish. sori jacky, dun mean it in a bad way...

3) the thot of an LDR, ok, dat was my MAIN concern. i was near hyperventaliting in the boy's bathroom last nite b'cos of it. shld i break it off, shld i not? i cldn't take it anymore and the thot of the 4 months w/o him...made me feel like puking (good thing i was in the bathroom), ok so, yiren called me weak for wanting to break it off. but seriously, between studies, isc, nus, nlc, guild, frens & family, there's onli so much a person can balance. and truthfully, i am finding a relationship reallie hard to cope with. it's like a baby...u've gotta pay attention and make sure it's growing well...and u've gotta sacrifice a number of things...for it.

and then...this mornin' the boy surprises me. indeed it was a surprise. a HUGE one as a matter of fact. one dat made me want to slaughter him there and then and sell his chopped limbs to woolies as halal lamb. the torture i've been goin thru these past few days (yes, i was happie, but...the heart was exceptionally weighty) jus somehow piled up this morn and i wanted to squash it like a ball and throw it at the boy. i wanted to hurt him so bad dat he cld sample a little of wat i was feelin'. nope, he had no idea. none whatsoever.

so here i was, thinking how i was gonna be able to find time to be wif him when i get back fr korea (its orientation and my committee will be back), searching for the spare minutes i cld muster up, wishing dat time was on my side...looking thru every single second i had spare...and then he throws it back at me by sayin...he's stayin! grrrr! MOFO! grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. Dun get me wrong, i'm absolutely estatic...it's just dat..i've been spending so much time thinkin abt how i was gonna devise strategies to cope wif it...

ok, i was happie. very happie. pleased. but...to let me noe now...when he's known it for a few days alreadi (yes, naomi nugraweni, thx 4 informing me!!!)....i jus exploded. yep. pssssssssss. dats jus it.

i'll hv to end here...jacky teo wants to buy a valentine's gift but doesn't noe wat to get. then dun get rite? but no...tiffy has to go choose for him...yet again...